Shoulder Season

by The Brass Traps

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(free) 03:04


released June 30, 2010

Mastered by Paul Fox, Indie Masters, North Fitzroy
Additional graphic design by Implant Media, Brunswick
Shoulder Model - Lotte Riddle

Huge thanks to all the guest artists and also: Dean Denham, Rachael Dellafiore, Stephanie Corsetti, Ally Fonseca, Mark Daly, Nicki and Jaymee, members and friends of the Melbourne Ukulele Kollective, everyone who's inspired the songs, RRR FM's Einstein A Go Go, the Ukulele and Swing Dance communities, the Darebin Songwriters Guild, Nashville Songwriters Association International - Melbourne, Easy Towers, De La Salle College, friends and family, and to everyone else who's offered support and encouragement.

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The Brass Traps Melbourne, Australia

The Brass Traps consists of Bernard, with various special guests. He hopes that the Brass Traps will put a smile on your face, a tap in your toe and a tune in your voice! The Brass Traps is based in Melbourne, Australia. When not performing with The Brass Traps, Bernard can be found playing with the Melbourne Ukulele Kollective and with Wadaiko Rindo (Taiko - Japanese Drumming). ... more

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Track Name: Ghost Tram
I was wandrin’ late at night around the grid laid out by Hoddle
I’d been drinkin’ down my troubles and my gait turned to a waddle
Past the Town Hall and Cathedral, with my eyesight going waxy
But I’d missed the last train and had no money for a taxi
But I muttered through my scarf that I’d make it home yet!
When some headlights approached, in a glide
With a glowing pantograph and a familiar silhouette
And the stop signs extended as the doors opened wide
- So I climbed on up inside, so that I could take a ride upon the

Ghost Tram, it’ll welcome you aboard,
but you never can alight despite how much you pull the cord
Ghost Tram, when your mortal days are done, you’ll no longer be in Zone One.

I started to suspect that this was transport underhanded
The passengers expressionless, but that’s just pretty standard
The décor was of woodgrain with a flash of green and yeller
A girl read Lonely Planet; the edition for Valhalla
And the conductor from Hell, with a manifest, confirmin’ us
(And I’d never seen a glare so dour)
He twice rang the bell, and sent us headlong to the terminus
At a speed of nearly thirty five kilometres an hour
- And my soul began to cower, as I realised the power of the

Ghost Tram, as it whooshes down the route,
you’ll see nothing through the windows of your terminal commute
Ghost Tram, though your journey is prepaid, it’s a fare you want to evade.

I tried to swipe my ticket, but it was already valid
I looked around the cabin, every countenance was pallid
Perhaps they need nutrition, perhaps it’s just a folly
But there weren’t any refreshments, or tea upon this trolly
And my instincts disparaging the current situation
In the flicker of incandescent light
Is this my means of carriage, or my final destination?
To be clinging to my strap for the eternity of night?
- We were squeezed in pretty tight, but everyone was so polite upon the

Ghost Tram, as it trundles down the track,
forever heading onwards, and never turning back
Ghost Tram, built of iron, wood and glass, it’s a hearseful of W-Class.

Ghost Tram, with its sparks and arcs a-strobe
hear the spectral voice of Batman, Monash, Fawkner and LaTrobe
Ghost Tram, where despondency is rife, it’ll take you on the ride of your life,
It’ll take you on the ride of your life.
Track Name: Something To Hang My Hat On
Well now, I don’t wanna brag, coz things were a bit of a drag
But now, I can fly the flag, there’s something more than there was before
My heart is feeling brand – brand new, not second hand,
‘Coz love, like a hallway stand is something to hang my hat on

No reason to enquire, to be the one that I desire, just
Say that you aspire, to share with me elite company
Now if, I’m not mistook, I caught your longing look and it
Hit like a big left hook, and it’s something to hang my hat on.

I know it might sound quaint but I was happy in my rut
But it’s testing my self restraint so please forgive me when I’m strutting

Now if, you’ll please excuse I gotta shine my dancing shoes coz there’s
No way we can lose, I’m feeling smug when we cut the rug
I was persona non, Now I beam like the synchrotron, Because your
Love for this rough ‘ol scone, Is something to hang my hat on.
Track Name: There's a Black Hole Where Your Lovin' Used To Be
I remember you said I was the one, our love shone more than the midnight sun,
It burnt so bright, for everyone to see;
Then in a flash it was over, blew up like a supernova
Now there's a black hole where your lovin' used to be.

To find it again was my only hope, so I went an' bought a big ol' telescope
To search around the whole wide galaxy
With a compass, a sextant and a planisphere, but alas there's still no cheer,
Just a black hole where your lovin' used to be.

With chromatic abberation I was seeing double, I wonder how much it is to rent the Hubble
I need a bit more sensitivity (obviously),
I don't wanna hear any snide remarks, I just gotta get to Parkes
Coz there's a black hole where your loving used to be.

Still no trace of your love, I'd never have picked; what the theories would say, what the models predict
It'll shrink down to a singularity (by relativity)
I'll find matter that's dark using matter that's grey, and the Very Large Array,
There's still a black hole where your lovin' used to be.

There's no end to all my frustration, I'll scan the microwave background radiation
To map the Big Bang Glow to a millionth of a degree,
I'll go on searching, I can do no worse; till they pack me off in an interstellar hearse
Till the end of time, it'll be my curse; to search the whole universe
Coz there's a black hole where your lovin,
There's a black hole where your lovin,
There's a big black hole where your lovin used to be.
Track Name: (I Gotta) Thank You, Good Night
Sometimes this world has demands never-ending
Sometimes it offers such little reward
Sometimes it feels, when it's backwards you're bending
Your sacrifice will be all but ignored

But I gotta thank you, I gotta thank you
Coz you're helping make everything right,
You've got my 'ppreciation, and my standing ovation
I gotta thank you, thank you, goodnight.

Maybe you answered the call, when they said it
No hesitation, you just - you just volunteer
Maybe you waited to share in the credit
But yet again, your name doesn't appear.

But I gotta thank you...

There was no-one else to do-it, so you put your shoulder to it
Even though your support wasn't there
Every time, no matter what, you give it all that you got
With no fear, and no fuss, 'n no fanfare

With each contribution you're selflessly slaving
It's not for you any cheap platitude
It's not bouquets and streamers that you're craving
But I offer my deep gratitude.

And I gotta thank you...
Track Name: Swing The Sickle
I was dead on, I was dead on my feet
As I walked down the street in the moonlight
There was nothing, there was nothing to see
Just a cemetary, then my hackles stood upright
And through the silence, through the silence I heard-...
Then the thought just occurred, I was dreaming,
But the spectre, but the spectre of doom
From the wide open tomb left me screaming.

Coz all at once I heard the sound of a ghostly chorus from underneath the ground, singing

Swing the sickle, reaper, swing it low
As you send those swinging sinners down below
And you swing your sickle, reaper, swing your scythe
Every swinging sinner, swinging for their life

There were ghostly bouncers, I could barely see 'em
As they led me down inside the mausoleum
And I think the door girl was an apparition
But she didn't charge me, it was free admission
And some little devils came and took my jacket
And I felt the chills and heard the awful racket
With the horns a-soaring and the bones a-wailing
All the mists a-swirling and the ferry man sailing
All the fires raging and the brimstone boiling
All the flesh was weakened, all the mortals coiling
With the deadly rhythms, all the bodies swaying
With some zombie lindy and some vampire slaying
And the voodoo barman serving spirits infernal
For the dear departed, all their cares eternal
From the waves of terror, I just couldn't hide
Kept hearing morbid voices from the other side, singing...

And I nearly fell into a trance
When a pretty poltergeist; she asked me for a dance
Track Name: Right Essentials
Late night, sky light, sit back, hold tight,
I got more hangups than the telecom clothesline, and there are storm clouds heading my way
But on the, horizon, there's a guy that I've got my eyes on,
And I can tell there ain't no denysin', that everything will be OK.
And I'll be ready, come what may........

He's got the right essentials, he's got the biggest smile
He's making everything worthwhile
And despite all of my inadequacies
He wants to dance with me.

A heart burn, a heart ache, a heart beat, a heart break,
More alone than a solitary mortgage, I remember from way back when
The solstice, December, at the far end of the analemma
And I'm hoping that he'll remember, It'll be summer when he comes again.
I'll just keep waiting until then...
Track Name: My Slow-Dance Baby (Makin' Moves On Me)
She knows, she knows how it could be
But I know, I know how it should be
My sense is calling, but my heart don't agree,
My slow-dance baby, makin' moves on me.

An' I feel, I feel it's open agenda
Coz she feels, she feels warm and tender
And it's with foreboding, I move gingerly
My slow-dance baby, makin' moves on me.

She's so, she's so-phisticated
And I'm so, I'm so trepidated - intimidated;
That she's prescribing tactile therapy
My slow-dance baby, makin' moves on me.

And I got, I got honest intentions
But she got, she got divine interventions
And Mayday! Mayday! Won't somebody answer my plea?
My slow-dance baby, makin' moves on me,
My slow-dance baby, makin' moves on me.
Track Name: Sinking In
It's sinking in, all the secrets that you told me
It's sinking in, all the promises you sold me
It's sinking in, gravitational attraction
It's sinking in, the opposite reaction

There's no way out, I'm splashing about, I'm hungry tired and fed up
Succumbing to the undertow and tryin' to keep my head up
There's shivers through my skin and it's still just sinking in.

It's sinking in, the mother of invention
It's sinking in, releasing all my tension
It's sinking in, inundating my defences
It's sinking in, all the consequences

And I reassess my GPS, you've set me on the course
The law of conservation drives me onwards to the source
And it's making my head spin, and it's still just sinking in.

And the budget's tight, I'll travel light, discarding dirty dishes
To survive alone out here would be a little too ambitious
Resistance wearing thin, and it's still just sinking in.
Track Name: Drunk Mosquito
Well there's a - Drunk Mosquito, the only company I've found
To share the troubles that I've drowned
I try to sleep but I keep hearing the sound
Of the Drunk Mosquito buzzing 'round.

Now mosquito:-
If they fortify, brew, ferment or distill it
I'll be drinkin' it down, & you'll be tryin' to drill it
Now you're eyein' my sixpack! and I feel some anxiety
Coz I'd rather that you didn't share my insobriety
Now I'm not the most lucid, but I think that it's rich
That you're searchin' in vein, and I'm scratchin' the itch
My intemperate temper, and my slumber, you spoil;
'f I could be bothered, I'd shuffle you off your mosquito coil,
'n there'd be no...

Now won't you listen miss mozzie, gotta say at this juncture
No thank you, for the offer of the free acupuncture
You' bin hidin' in the lamp until the moment that I dim it,
If you keep drinkin' my blood, you'll be over the limit
You should sign up for anonymous entomolics
They got a six-step program for arthropoidal alcoholics
I'm a mean vigilante, my dermis with anticoagulant, if you inject inside
They'll be finding me guilty of committing insecticide
of the...
Track Name: Reboot
I've got to reboot the router coz the server's running Vista
And the client's running Linux and the handheld's running Maemo
I'm not sure how to pronounce it but I'll modify the hosts file
And I think I'm short a cable but I'll wire up a spare
And Explorer's gone all screwy since I've turned off network browsing
And the users have a problem but they won't read their instructions
And the office suite's annoying but it's blocked by anti-virus
What's the Workgroup or Domain Name? and I still can't see my share.

Well the Manager's new gizmo has the sales crew feeling nervous
There's the smell of something burning and it's prob'ly pirate CDs
And there's video surveillance but the picture's kinda grainy
And the emails with attachments and the hackers sending spam
And I need to find the WEP key to help me navigate the O:\ drive
And the users getting cranky that they can't upload their photos
Must have built up too much static so unplug it at the outlet
And the Bluetooth needs upgrading and the laptop needs more RAM.

And the satellite's stopped tracking so I'm calling up the helpdesk
And Bangalore will answer, they say the update's having problems
And the PHP's gone haywire but the Java's hanging in there
And the fax machine is jamming and the toner's getting low
And the database is deadlocked and the XSL's confusing
And the users are now screaming that the intranet is useless
And the VOIP's been reconfigured, in the meantime phones keep ringing
The IP address is static but the downloads still seem slow.

And now I'm trying to block the porn sites while I'm rendering some graphics
The LAN still has conniptions and the grammer checker's foreign
The processor's overclocking and the website needs an update
I gotta pick up all the hardware from the other side of town
And the landlines need a massage and the mobiles getting stolen
And the users are just stupid and the contractor's a nutcase
And the customers intruding; the supplier's meeting cancelled
It's not like they ever call back and the ISP is down.
Track Name: The Room Next Door
I'm really looking forward to you coming to stay
And I hope that your bedroom will be OK
As you dream sweet dreams, on your pillow, you lay-
I'll be right here in the room next door.
I want you to please make yourself at home
You can borrow a shampoo, a towell or a comb
And if you need anything there's no need to phone,
I'll be right here in the room next door.

The carpets and mats and neighbourhood cats
And bottles and tins and on Wednesday the bins
The honest intent and the bond and the rent
The letters to me and here is your key...

I've been cleaning the house and preparing your room
And if you could do the dishes, then I'll grab the broom
And if there's ever a problem you can safely assume
I'll be right here in the room next door.
You've got some nice things, help yourself to all mine
We should celebrate your coming with a bottle of wine
It was looking like rain, I brought your things in off the line
And they're right here in the room next door.

The oven and grills and splitting the bills
The sharing a laugh in the queue for the bath
The dodgy remote and enrolling to vote
And washing a load, your security code...

Since you've arrived I've felt as light as a feather
You can stay for a while, or stay for forever
And if you think you might like to do something together
I'll be right here in the room next door.
It's a nice neighbourhood with the shops and the park
And forgive me if I'm shooting wide of the mark,
But if you should find that you're afraid of the dark
I'll be right here in the room next door.
Track Name: Butterfly
I'm in my garden in my backyard an' some butterflies come past
Lots of butterflies, ev'ry shape and size each prettier than the last
There's ev'ry colour that I imagine a butterfly comes in
I spy a pretty butterfly, and I chase her with a pin.

Should my hunt succeed? or should I leave her freed? I ponder with dismay,
Less destructive and less disruptive, I let her fly away
She sets a vector for lots of nectar; I think as she flies off:
Perhaps I could build me a cocoon, but, I'd prob'ly hatch as a moth.

'fI had a velvet gown, instead of wings of brown, perhaps it would enthrall
but it's all just fantasy to contemplate that she would notice me at all.
To become a butterfly, isn't something I have within my power
So I'll do my best impression of a flower.
Track Name: Hold The Presses
Brickprints on my forehead, and I was feeling moodal
Coz I'm not everybody's cup of instant noodle
Excess to requirements, and romance was a waste, I'm
I'm so glad to find there's a nice guy who's got taste.

Hold the presses, stop the phone,
Switch the flip and crow the stone,
Call off the search I fell off my perch,
... I've gotta say
that my heart starter's off the chart
He's gonna stay
Coz I won't let her get away.

I'm not a prophet or a lawyer or a preacher
Or a lecturer or tutor or professor or a teacher
Or journalist or expert or reknowned authority
But I know he's the only guy for me.
Track Name: Solo, Singular, Solitary
Many people have many, none of us have none
But I'm the only one who's got only one
Coz I will never meet another girl like you,
I got the solo, singular, solitary blue.

I got money in my pocket, I'm lookin' so fine
I got music and dancing and laughter, the footy, my buddies, yeah,
the future's all mine.
Coz I will never meet another girl like you,
I got the solo, singular, solitary blue.

I'm tickin' all the boxes, I'm meeting each KPI,
I'm achieving every benchmark, but statistics never lie
And they say that I will never meet another girl like you,
I got the solo, singular, solitary blue.