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Shoulder Season

by The Brass Traps

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1.
Ghost Tram (free) 03:33
I was wandrin’ late at night around the grid laid out by Hoddle I’d been drinkin’ down my troubles and my gait turned to a waddle Past the Town Hall and Cathedral, with my eyesight going waxy But I’d missed the last train and had no money for a taxi But I muttered through my scarf that I’d make it home yet! When some headlights approached, in a glide With a glowing pantograph and a familiar silhouette And the stop signs extended as the doors opened wide - So I climbed on up inside, so that I could take a ride upon the Ghost Tram, it’ll welcome you aboard, but you never can alight despite how much you pull the cord Ghost Tram, when your mortal days are done, you’ll no longer be in Zone One. I started to suspect that this was transport underhanded The passengers expressionless, but that’s just pretty standard The décor was of woodgrain with a flash of green and yeller A girl read Lonely Planet; the edition for Valhalla And the conductor from Hell, with a manifest, confirmin’ us (And I’d never seen a glare so dour) He twice rang the bell, and sent us headlong to the terminus At a speed of nearly thirty five kilometres an hour - And my soul began to cower, as I realised the power of the Ghost Tram, as it whooshes down the route, you’ll see nothing through the windows of your terminal commute Ghost Tram, though your journey is prepaid, it’s a fare you want to evade. I tried to swipe my ticket, but it was already valid I looked around the cabin, every countenance was pallid Perhaps they need nutrition, perhaps it’s just a folly But there weren’t any refreshments, or tea upon this trolly And my instincts disparaging the current situation In the flicker of incandescent light Is this my means of carriage, or my final destination? To be clinging to my strap for the eternity of night? - We were squeezed in pretty tight, but everyone was so polite upon the Ghost Tram, as it trundles down the track, forever heading onwards, and never turning back Ghost Tram, built of iron, wood and glass, it’s a hearseful of W-Class. Ghost Tram, with its sparks and arcs a-strobe hear the spectral voice of Batman, Monash, Fawkner and LaTrobe Ghost Tram, where despondency is rife, it’ll take you on the ride of your life, It’ll take you on the ride of your life.
2.
Well now, I don’t wanna brag, coz things were a bit of a drag But now, I can fly the flag, there’s something more than there was before My heart is feeling brand – brand new, not second hand, ‘Coz love, like a hallway stand is something to hang my hat on No reason to enquire, to be the one that I desire, just Say that you aspire, to share with me elite company Now if, I’m not mistook, I caught your longing look and it Hit like a big left hook, and it’s something to hang my hat on. I know it might sound quaint but I was happy in my rut But it’s testing my self restraint so please forgive me when I’m strutting Now if, you’ll please excuse I gotta shine my dancing shoes coz there’s No way we can lose, I’m feeling smug when we cut the rug I was persona non, Now I beam like the synchrotron, Because your Love for this rough ‘ol scone, Is something to hang my hat on.
3.
I remember you said I was the one, our love shone more than the midnight sun, It burnt so bright, for everyone to see; Then in a flash it was over, blew up like a supernova Now there's a black hole where your lovin' used to be. To find it again was my only hope, so I went an' bought a big ol' telescope To search around the whole wide galaxy With a compass, a sextant and a planisphere, but alas there's still no cheer, Just a black hole where your lovin' used to be. With chromatic abberation I was seeing double, I wonder how much it is to rent the Hubble I need a bit more sensitivity (obviously), I don't wanna hear any snide remarks, I just gotta get to Parkes Coz there's a black hole where your loving used to be. Still no trace of your love, I'd never have picked; what the theories would say, what the models predict It'll shrink down to a singularity (by relativity) I'll find matter that's dark using matter that's grey, and the Very Large Array, There's still a black hole where your lovin' used to be. There's no end to all my frustration, I'll scan the microwave background radiation To map the Big Bang Glow to a millionth of a degree, I'll go on searching, I can do no worse; till they pack me off in an interstellar hearse Till the end of time, it'll be my curse; to search the whole universe Coz there's a black hole where your lovin, There's a black hole where your lovin, There's a big black hole where your lovin used to be.
4.
Sometimes this world has demands never-ending Sometimes it offers such little reward Sometimes it feels, when it's backwards you're bending Your sacrifice will be all but ignored But I gotta thank you, I gotta thank you Coz you're helping make everything right, You've got my 'ppreciation, and my standing ovation I gotta thank you, thank you, goodnight. Maybe you answered the call, when they said it No hesitation, you just - you just volunteer Maybe you waited to share in the credit But yet again, your name doesn't appear. But I gotta thank you... There was no-one else to do-it, so you put your shoulder to it Even though your support wasn't there Every time, no matter what, you give it all that you got With no fear, and no fuss, 'n no fanfare With each contribution you're selflessly slaving It's not for you any cheap platitude It's not bouquets and streamers that you're craving But I offer my deep gratitude. And I gotta thank you...
5.
I was dead on, I was dead on my feet As I walked down the street in the moonlight There was nothing, there was nothing to see Just a cemetary, then my hackles stood upright And through the silence, through the silence I heard-... Then the thought just occurred, I was dreaming, But the spectre, but the spectre of doom From the wide open tomb left me screaming. Coz all at once I heard the sound of a ghostly chorus from underneath the ground, singing Swing the sickle, reaper, swing it low As you send those swinging sinners down below And you swing your sickle, reaper, swing your scythe Every swinging sinner, swinging for their life There were ghostly bouncers, I could barely see 'em As they led me down inside the mausoleum And I think the door girl was an apparition But she didn't charge me, it was free admission And some little devils came and took my jacket And I felt the chills and heard the awful racket With the horns a-soaring and the bones a-wailing All the mists a-swirling and the ferry man sailing All the fires raging and the brimstone boiling All the flesh was weakened, all the mortals coiling With the deadly rhythms, all the bodies swaying With some zombie lindy and some vampire slaying And the voodoo barman serving spirits infernal For the dear departed, all their cares eternal From the waves of terror, I just couldn't hide Kept hearing morbid voices from the other side, singing... And I nearly fell into a trance When a pretty poltergeist; she asked me for a dance
6.
Late night, sky light, sit back, hold tight, I got more hangups than the telecom clothesline, and there are storm clouds heading my way But on the, horizon, there's a guy that I've got my eyes on, And I can tell there ain't no denysin', that everything will be OK. And I'll be ready, come what may........ He's got the right essentials, he's got the biggest smile He's making everything worthwhile And despite all of my inadequacies He wants to dance with me. A heart burn, a heart ache, a heart beat, a heart break, More alone than a solitary mortgage, I remember from way back when The solstice, December, at the far end of the analemma And I'm hoping that he'll remember, It'll be summer when he comes again. I'll just keep waiting until then...
7.
Let's Dance 02:34
8.
She knows, she knows how it could be But I know, I know how it should be My sense is calling, but my heart don't agree, My slow-dance baby, makin' moves on me. An' I feel, I feel it's open agenda Coz she feels, she feels warm and tender And it's with foreboding, I move gingerly My slow-dance baby, makin' moves on me. She's so, she's so-phisticated And I'm so, I'm so trepidated - intimidated; That she's prescribing tactile therapy My slow-dance baby, makin' moves on me. And I got, I got honest intentions But she got, she got divine interventions And Mayday! Mayday! Won't somebody answer my plea? My slow-dance baby, makin' moves on me, My slow-dance baby, makin' moves on me.
9.
Sinking In 03:12
It's sinking in, all the secrets that you told me It's sinking in, all the promises you sold me It's sinking in, gravitational attraction It's sinking in, the opposite reaction There's no way out, I'm splashing about, I'm hungry tired and fed up Succumbing to the undertow and tryin' to keep my head up There's shivers through my skin and it's still just sinking in. It's sinking in, the mother of invention It's sinking in, releasing all my tension It's sinking in, inundating my defences It's sinking in, all the consequences And I reassess my GPS, you've set me on the course The law of conservation drives me onwards to the source And it's making my head spin, and it's still just sinking in. And the budget's tight, I'll travel light, discarding dirty dishes To survive alone out here would be a little too ambitious Resistance wearing thin, and it's still just sinking in.
10.
Chorus Well there's a - Drunk Mosquito, the only company I've found To share the troubles that I've drowned I try to sleep but I keep hearing the sound Of the Drunk Mosquito buzzing 'round. Now mosquito:- If they fortify, brew, ferment or distill it I'll be drinkin' it down, & you'll be tryin' to drill it Now you're eyein' my sixpack! and I feel some anxiety Coz I'd rather that you didn't share my insobriety Now I'm not the most lucid, but I think that it's rich That you're searchin' in vein, and I'm scratchin' the itch My intemperate temper, and my slumber, you spoil; 'f I could be bothered, I'd shuffle you off your mosquito coil, 'n there'd be no... [Chorus] Now won't you listen miss mozzie, gotta say at this juncture No thank you, for the offer of the free acupuncture You' bin hidin' in the lamp until the moment that I dim it, If you keep drinkin' my blood, you'll be over the limit You should sign up for anonymous entomolics They got a six-step program for arthropoidal alcoholics I'm a mean vigilante, my dermis with anticoagulant, if you inject inside They'll be finding me guilty of committing insecticide of the... [Chorus]
11.
Reboot (free) 03:04
I've got to reboot the router coz the server's running Vista And the client's running Linux and the handheld's running Maemo I'm not sure how to pronounce it but I'll modify the hosts file And I think I'm short a cable but I'll wire up a spare And Explorer's gone all screwy since I've turned off network browsing And the users have a problem but they won't read their instructions And the office suite's annoying but it's blocked by anti-virus What's the Workgroup or Domain Name? and I still can't see my share. Well the Manager's new gizmo has the sales crew feeling nervous There's the smell of something burning and it's prob'ly pirate CDs And there's video surveillance but the picture's kinda grainy And the emails with attachments and the hackers sending spam And I need to find the WEP key to help me navigate the O:\ drive And the users getting cranky that they can't upload their photos Must have built up too much static so unplug it at the outlet And the Bluetooth needs upgrading and the laptop needs more RAM. And the satellite's stopped tracking so I'm calling up the helpdesk And Bangalore will answer, they say the update's having problems And the PHP's gone haywire but the Java's hanging in there And the fax machine is jamming and the toner's getting low And the database is deadlocked and the XSL's confusing And the users are now screaming that the intranet is useless And the VOIP's been reconfigured, in the meantime phones keep ringing The IP address is static but the downloads still seem slow. And now I'm trying to block the porn sites while I'm rendering some graphics The LAN still has conniptions and the grammer checker's foreign The processor's overclocking and the website needs an update I gotta pick up all the hardware from the other side of town And the landlines need a massage and the mobiles getting stolen And the users are just stupid and the contractor's a nutcase And the customers intruding; the supplier's meeting cancelled It's not like they ever call back and the ISP is down.
12.
I'm really looking forward to you coming to stay And I hope that your bedroom will be OK As you dream sweet dreams, on your pillow, you lay- I'll be right here in the room next door. I want you to please make yourself at home You can borrow a shampoo, a towell or a comb And if you need anything there's no need to phone, I'll be right here in the room next door. The carpets and mats and neighbourhood cats And bottles and tins and on Wednesday the bins The honest intent and the bond and the rent The letters to me and here is your key... I've been cleaning the house and preparing your room And if you could do the dishes, then I'll grab the broom And if there's ever a problem you can safely assume I'll be right here in the room next door. You've got some nice things, help yourself to all mine We should celebrate your coming with a bottle of wine It was looking like rain, I brought your things in off the line And they're right here in the room next door. The oven and grills and splitting the bills The sharing a laugh in the queue for the bath The dodgy remote and enrolling to vote And washing a load, your security code... Since you've arrived I've felt as light as a feather You can stay for a while, or stay for forever And if you think you might like to do something together I'll be right here in the room next door. It's a nice neighbourhood with the shops and the park And forgive me if I'm shooting wide of the mark, But if you should find that you're afraid of the dark I'll be right here in the room next door.
13.
Butterfly 02:42
I'm in my garden in my backyard an' some butterflies come past Lots of butterflies, ev'ry shape and size each prettier than the last There's ev'ry colour that I imagine a butterfly comes in I spy a pretty butterfly, and I chase her with a pin. Should my hunt succeed? or should I leave her freed? I ponder with dismay, Less destructive and less disruptive, I let her fly away She sets a vector for lots of nectar; I think as she flies off: Perhaps I could build me a cocoon, but, I'd prob'ly hatch as a moth. 'fI had a velvet gown, instead of wings of brown, perhaps it would enthrall but it's all just fantasy to contemplate that she would notice me at all. To become a butterfly, isn't something I have within my power So I'll do my best impression of a flower.
14.
Brickprints on my forehead, and I was feeling moodal Coz I'm not everybody's cup of instant noodle Excess to requirements, and romance was a waste, I'm I'm so glad to find there's a nice guy who's got taste. Hold the presses, stop the phone, Switch the flip and crow the stone, Call off the search I fell off my perch, ... I've gotta say that my heart starter's off the chart He's gonna stay Coz I won't let her get away. I'm not a prophet or a lawyer or a preacher Or a lecturer or tutor or professor or a teacher Or journalist or expert or reknowned authority But I know he's the only guy for me.
15.
Many people have many, none of us have none But I'm the only one who's got only one Coz I will never meet another girl like you, I got the solo, singular, solitary blue. I got money in my pocket, I'm lookin' so fine I got music and dancing and laughter, the footy, my buddies, yeah, the future's all mine. Coz I will never meet another girl like you, I got the solo, singular, solitary blue. I'm tickin' all the boxes, I'm meeting each KPI, I'm achieving every benchmark, but statistics never lie And they say that I will never meet another girl like you, I got the solo, singular, solitary blue.

credits

released June 30, 2010

Mastered by Paul Fox, Indie Masters, North Fitzroy
Additional graphic design by Implant Media, Brunswick
Shoulder Model - Lotte Riddle

Huge thanks to all the guest artists and also: Dean Denham, Rachael Dellafiore, Stephanie Corsetti, Ally Fonseca, Mark Daly, Nicki and Jaymee, members and friends of the Melbourne Ukulele Kollective, everyone who's inspired the songs, RRR FM's Einstein A Go Go, the Ukulele and Swing Dance communities, the Darebin Songwriters Guild, Nashville Songwriters Association International - Melbourne, Easy Towers, De La Salle College, friends and family, and to everyone else who's offered support and encouragement.

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The Brass Traps Melbourne, Australia

The Brass Traps consists of Bernard, with various special guests. He hopes that the Brass Traps will put a smile on your face, a tap in your toe and a tune in your voice! The Brass Traps is based in Melbourne, Australia. When not performing with The Brass Traps, Bernard can be found playing with the Melbourne Ukulele Kollective and with Wadaiko Rindo (Taiko - Japanese Drumming). ... more

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